Archive for April, 2008

David Blaine is a Magician.  David Blaine is an Illusionist. That means he creates illusions.  ”Magic” events that look real but are not real.  Today he appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show and set a world record by holding his breath for 17 minutes.  The folks from Guinness certified it as a world record.  Everyone is reporting it as a real event.  The Associated Press even called Blaine a “endurance specialist”.

Hello. Reality check here.  This guy is a performance artist.  This was a performance, not reality.  In the headline above I used the word “fraud”.  Really, Blaine is not a fraud.  To me a fraud is someone who swindles someone…takes their money.  He’s not a fraud, but just a very smart illusionist who has created the illusion of holding his breath for 17 minutes.  This is not a world record.  It’ not real.  If Oprah was fooled, it certainly isn’t the first time.

Interesting story from the Wall Street Journal about how Mazda is destroying 4,703 brand new cars worth $100 Million.  They were cars that were on the Cougar Ace a ship that partially capsized and almost sunk.  Mazda is not sure if the cars were damaged or not.  Just to make sure they don’t get sued in the future Mazda decided to destroy all the cars.  So how do you destroy four thousand cars?  Here’s the story from the WSJ.  Plus, Wired Magazine has an article about the “Sea Cowboys” who righted the Cougar Ace.  A difficult and dangerous job.  One man died in the process.

Mark from ChaCha sent a Tweet via Twitter “We need the I heart chacha bumper stickers!” Which gave me the excuse to waste 10 minutes Photoshopping the picture on the left.  The original picture is from my old JokeWallpaper story…

They don’t drive big brown trucks, but their client does… Letter from a United Parcel Service Attorney

True story.  I got the UPS attorney to send me an “I (Heart) NY” T-shirt.

From Fox News, Cleveland, Ohio Monday, 28 Apr 2008:

A Lorain, Ohio, woman got an ultrasound in preparation for her first baby, but instead of seeing the image of an infant, Monet Sledge saw an image of Jesus on the cross.

Back in 1998 when Madonna was expecting here first child, I made the jokewallpaper above on how Madonna’s ultrasound might look.

Just in case you never seen a Ten Million Dollar Bill here’s what it looks like.  Course, it’s only worth $4 US.  From Portfolio.com here’s a gallery of the world’s most worthless money.  Including the fun fact that the Vietnam unit of currency is the “Dong”. So with the value of a “Dong” so low, you can get a “dong for a song”.

You’ve heard of the South Beach Diet, LA Weight Loss, Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig right?  Well we need to add the Benton County Jail Diet to the list. 

“I’m Broderick Laswell of Arkansas and I used to weigh 413 pounds.  With this new diet I’ve lost 105 pounds and I’m suing the jail in federal court“.

Broderick is a murder suspect who doesn’t like the amount of food he’s getting.  Sometimes “two small cookies” and “not enough dressing on his salad”.

Here’s the full story from The Smoking Gun

When I was a kid I learned from my parents that when you leave a room, you should turn off the light.  Back then our family was just trying to save money.

Yesterday as my son came home after dark he noticed that our next door neighbor had all their lights on, but our house had very few lights on.  

Right then I was able to have a Politically Correct moment.  I said:  ”Son, we’re just practicing ‘Green Living’ by turning off lights.” But in reality…I’m just being cheap.

In past post I have shared my Only in Los Angeles Moments including a bus sign that encourages Los Angelinos not to shoot guns in the air on the holidays and vending machines that have no Coke or Pepsi but only water.

I thought they’re might be other such moments and through Google I found these two posts:

From Schindermania! a post that shows a picture of a dog with googles in a Smart car….
http://schinders.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/only-in-los-angeles/

And from Candy Kirby a whiteboard street sign that offers a “Perky Butt” for $109….

http://candykirby.com/2008/03/31/only-in-los-angeles/

I was visiting suburban Cincinnati recently and while driving by a strip mall noticed this sign. 

When I think of DNA testing I think more  of the criminal forensic technology of TV shows like CSI or NCIS. Or DNA paternity testing on the afternoon TV soap operas.  I just assumed the cops took DNA to some lab, and if you needed to know who your Daddy Papa was, you visited your doctor and he arranged the tests. I was surprised at storefront DNA testing in a strip mall.  Was it franchised? Would they have a drive thru? Perhaps a #1 Value Deal would be a specimen jar and cotton swab. I drove around and found the lab was actually behind the strip mall in an office building. Not a storefront after all.  But not a sign you see everyday, if ever.  Click here for a larger version.

I tend to drive  a little like Michael Schumacher.  My little Audi drives like it’s on rails and the 2.0 liter Turbo screams.  I usually have no problem thrashing the car around curves..that is unless I have a hot cup of Starbucks in the cupholder.  Even though it has a lid, my Starbucks “Tall” coffee always slops out the little drinky hole in the top.  My son Dan has the same problem…well..he drives like his Dad.  The solution was to ask the Starbucks Barnisterias (or whatever they’re called) to give you a “Tall” coffee in a “Grande” cup.  That way the coffee has a little more room at the top to slop while I’m doing my Grand Theft Auto imitation on the way to work.

Here’s where the “FREE” part comes in.  I’ve found that 9 times out of 10 when you ask for a “Tall” in a “Grande” cup, they fill the cup up all the way to the “Grande” level anyway.  Even if they mark it “Tall” like this picture of my cup from this morning.  Perhaps they’re too sleepy and on autopilot filling the cup.  I still get the slop problem, but it’s FREE coffee slopping out. Free coffee, almost as good as FREE BEER.  Anyone have any ideas on getting free beer?

UPDATE:  Andy over at IndyScan tells me that Starbucks may thwart my free coffee scheme by offering a new plug for the drinky hole called a Splash Stick. 

In Cleveland a dumb carjacking suspect stopped during the crime to ask a television news crew for directions to a bank.  The passenger was in the back signaling he was being kidnapped.  I had to grab this frame of the reporter demonstrating how the passenger was signaling to her.

Here’s the full story from WOIO-TV with video…

They’re nickname is “Crackberries” for the addictive nature of people always checking their e-mail.  I had one for a year, got rid of it, and don’t miss it at all.  Maybe this guy was addicted:

Fox News reports: “Whether he was up to no good or simply desperate to play BrickBreaker, a Mexican press attaché was caught on camera by Secret Service pocketing several White House BlackBerries during a recent meeting in New Orleans.”

Come on guy!  You don’t think you’d get caught?

Here’s the full story from Fox News